Summary
The most actionable guide to sex for men that I've found.
Covers everything from begin multi-orgasmic to practical sequences for great sex, oral sex techniques, and more.
Full of great content that can serve as reference material to revisit.
Notes
There is far too much to try and cover here, so instead I've included the summary that Nat himself provides at the end of the book. The book goes into much more detail about all of these sections and more.
Step 1: Build the Mental Foundation
- Start talking: Have a conversation with your partner about your sex lives. What do you like, not like, want to do more or less of, want to try? See the prompts in the Communication chapter.
- Make a friend: Find a guy friend you can talk to openly about sex, someone who you know is curious and will be open about it too. Bonus points if they also read this book.
- Connect deeper: Identify how you can bring more connection into your sex. Be louder. Make more eye contact. Hold her tighter.
- Establish confidence: Try one thing you've been holding yourself back from doing. Make a move in bed you've hesitated on. Grab her or spank her like you mean it.
Step 2: Teasing and Warming Up
- Find targets: Figure out what parts of your partner’s body is the most sensitive aside from the obvious ones. Spend more time teasing and stimulating those areas during foreplay and sex.
- Talk dirty: Bring in more dirty talk during foreplay and sex. Start light with moans and terms of excitement, and escalate it as it feels more natural.
- Observe your kissing: Do you kiss too aggressively? Use too much saliva? Not use your hands? Make sure you aren’t being a bad kisser, and ask your partner if you’re unsure.
- Slow down: See how much time you can take, within reason, before you get to your partner's vulva. Could you be moving slower to tease her more?
Step 3: Enhance Your Fingering and Oral
- Talk about the O: If your partner isn’t orgasming regularly during foreplay or sex, talk with her about what has worked for her in the past or on her own.
- Fingering: Lie beside your partner and talk about what she is and isn’t enjoying as you’re fingering her. Use the different strokes from the oral repertoire to see what she responds to, and keep a mental note of what she does and doesn’t like.
- Oral: Go down on your partner for a brief period, 3-5 minutes, and communicate after about what worked and what didn’t. Refine your understanding of her preferences through a few sessions until you can reliably help her reach orgasm.
- Edging: Once you understand what will bring your partner to orgasm, practice edging her, bringing her as close as you can to orgasm, and then bringing her back down.
- Multiple Orgasms: Try facilitating the fast second orgasm using the two fingers plus palm method described, or the slower second orgasm, depending on how sensitive your partner is. For some added fun, see how many orgasms you can help her reach before she has to stop.
Step 4: Boost Your Sexual Flow
- Try Flows: Pick at least one of the flows to try with your partner, and circle back to try others as needed for inspiration.
- Create Flows: Based on what you and your partner enjoy, keep a mental note of certain flows between positions that are most pleasurable for both of you. The more of these you can create, the better. More variety will help to prevent sex from getting stale.
- Help Her Orgasm: Ask her, or experiment, to find what positions she can orgasm easiest from. Make sure you end up in at least one of these positions during sex so that you can both orgasm.
- Cuddle: Don’t fall asleep immediately after sex, or run off to something else. Take the 10-15 minutes to cuddle and come down afterwards, and talk about what you both liked or didn't like.
- Last Longer: If you're not reliably lasting into the ideal 10-15+ minute range, use the techniques from that chapter to help yourself there.
Step 5: Explore New Territory
- Become Multi Orgasmic: Follow the multiple orgasm chapter to learn how to have non-ejaculatory orgasms, prolonged orgasms, and prostate orgasms during foreplay and sex.
- Try Anal: If you and your partner are interested, work up to including anal sex in your repertoire and flows together.
- Explore Kinks: Take the quiz, or have an open conversation, about what you'd both be interested in trying in bed beyond the normal kinds of "vanilla" sex.
